i awoke scared today

of thoughts and what-if’s.

that list of things

that keeps us lonely

even amongst friends.

 

i pondered faith today,

wondering

where and how it begins,

each time in life

in each of us

in me.

 

it’s been said that faith begins where philosophy ends.

if this is true, then faith has nothing to do with knowing,

or rather, nothing to do with the kind of knowing rampant in the world today –

head knowing. i’m-right-because-you’re-wrong knowing.

head knowing. i’m-right-because-this is how i do it knowing.

it’s not that at all.

and it’s not all that.

 

to be with the wish

what would that be like?

the kind of wish that goes beyond what you know, what society knows, or what i know

the kind of wish that resists crystallizing into rigid certainty out of the pure urge for authenticity, reality. honesty.

the kind of wish that grows instead into something different,

something generative and beyond limits.

 

there’s a kind of hope that the idea of faith offers and it has to do with letting go of the very human habit and need for certainty

 

this kind of faith without certainty, ironically, requires immense faith

 

can i do this?